Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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