This girl is more easily done than said...
well I can't set my house on fire every night
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
