Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
