im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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