3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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