im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
