we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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