it's too hot outside to masturbate.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
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