Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
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He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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