I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
