why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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