you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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