I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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