just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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