I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
So many bounce houses so little time
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
