She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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