I think my fart just growled at me.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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