God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
