Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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