Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
