mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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