Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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