a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
