There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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