Already got asked if we're dating
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
