It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
