I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
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