In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
