Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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