Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
