I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
