Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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