The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
