it wasn't lemon gatorade
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
