some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
