I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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