Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
