The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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