wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
