i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
