im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
