i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Randomize
