i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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