That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
