just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Randomize
