Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
