Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
