I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
