I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
