i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
