what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
