i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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