my sisters under your porch take her home
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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