we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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