hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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