I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
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She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
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You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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