bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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