It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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