Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
