Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
