no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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