John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
