hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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