oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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