Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
