oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
