I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
