i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
