If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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