we're chasing vodka with high fives
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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