Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
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We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
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Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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