I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
he shaved USA in his pubs
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
