btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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