Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
