i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
