He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
