A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
