shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
