i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
