why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
