ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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