They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
