Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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