Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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