DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
