You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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