I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
