Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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