I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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