Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
